"You need to trust him."
I tell the parent of a teen at a consultation.
"How can I trust him? He keeps lying?"
The mom replies.
I find that many parents think like this.
And sadly it leads to more lying -
More instances of the child doing things that the parents don't want the child to do
fights - tears - anxiety - frustration and exasperation.
In my opinion this is the wrong way to aproach a relationship with anyone - especially a child - who is still learning how to balance desires with duties and rights with responsibilities.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship
You cannot begin a relationship if you don't trust the other person.
Trust is the main investment you make in your relationship with your child.
You cannot expect your child to earn your trust by performing to satisfy your expectations.
Always trust your child's desire and intention to do the right thing.
That is what motivates children to live up to your expectations in spite of the challenges posed by their growing brains and bodies.
Begin with trust and watch your child transform.
I have many many many stories to relate where I have put my trust in a teenager whom no one else trusted and she/he has transformed into someone worth trusting.
These were not my children and yet my trust - conveyed from a distance worked like magic.
Imagine what you could do with your child.