"I feel she is too little for discipline. But then I find myself screaming at her all the time. What should I do?"
Many new parents ask me at consultations.
The problem is that most people think that
Discipline = Punishment
Discipline = Control
And because they love their children so much they cannot bring themselves to either punish or control them.
But discipline is neither.
Discipline comes from the word 'Disciple' meaning student.
It involves you transforming into a teacher and behaving in a way that your child can copy.
It does NOT involve control. It involves building trust.
You lead the way with your behavior and trust your child to follow.
You can start with discipline as soon as your baby is born.
Because it involves changing yourself - not your child.
I am sharing a step wise approach to discipline in this article that I have written for the Morisons Baby Dreams blog.
Yes. It is possible to avoid punishment and shouting by starting discipline early. Let's do it.
PC: S&B Vonlanthen Unsplash
Do you cook with the peels of vegetables?
Or does the idea sound absurd to you?
If you find it absurd you are not alone.
I was exactly like you
Until one day I visited a friend and her mom insisted I stay for lunch.
Lunch was something called Khoshar Chorchori which in Bengali means a dish made of mixed peels from various vegetables.
Of course I was hesitant to begin with, but once I started eating the dish, I just couldn't stop.
Aunty told me that she had spent a good part of her life in the Sunderbans Delta, where there was little land and frequent flooding.
That meant that vegetables were precious.
And that is why nothing was ever thrown away.
The taste and the story stayed with me and then I started reading up on the advisibility of eating peels.
I found out that eating peels are a great way to build immunity because they are the outer most layer of the fruit/vegetable, and rich in phytochemicals and other protective substances that keep the fruit safe.
And so we now try to eat almost everything with the peel.
What do you do with your peels?
Are you using them to build immunity?
PC: Chandra Oh from Unsplash
We are browsing through pics of friends and family on Instagram.
Suddenly I notice a friend's son in the same light pink sweatshirt that my daughter has.... And I point it out to her.
"That sweatshirt was in the girl's section mom!!"
"Did he buy his clothes from there?"
She says shocked.
He may have - I respond.
"Whhhhhyyyyy?????" She says in disbelief.
Why not? I respond.
You like to buy T-shirts from the boys section when you buy play clothes.
Both of us like to pick up our sweatshirts from the boys section.
I love the oversized chappals from the men's section.
If we are allowed to do that - why should we a judge a boy for buying something from the girls section.
She nods in agreement.
2021 is almost here.
After the shocker that 2020 has been, the least we can do is stop judging.
PC: Photo by Clark Street Mercantile on Unsplash
Do you believe in Santa Claus? I do. And I encourage my teenager to believe too.
There is something so magical about the image of a jolly old man coming around spreading love and laughter.
And I want my daughter to believe in magic forever like I do.
I want her heart to jump with joy at the sight of the red and white costume. Just like mine does.
Fantasy keeps us going when things are difficult. And I love the Santa Claus fantasy.
There's only one thing that I steadfastly steer clear of... And I said this in an interview with the Indian Express last year.
I think it is wrong to tell children that they will be judged on their behavior before Santa gives them gifts.
Gifts are a symbol of love. And love must be unconditional.
Here is my quote from the Indian Express.
Do you agree?
On Christmas Eve...
Can you resist the urge to buy your child a gift?
A gift is a symbol of love.
And when every child. Is being showered with love - in the form of gifts
There is no way you can make your child feel unloved by not giving a gift.
All of us will give gifts because we want our children to feel good about themselves.
But when we choose gifts it is important to ensure that we create a long term feel good in the form of self-esteem - instead of a short term feel good.
Choose gifts that raise self-esteem
Self-esteem rises by -
1. Overcoming a challenge like by solving a jigsaw puzzle
2. Learning a new skill like learning how to skate / waveboard
3. Caring like caring for a doll or a soft toy
Most children have suffered a huge drop in self-esteem because of staying home through the pandemic.
Choose a gift that will bring it back.
PC: Photo by Ben White on Unsplash
Published in Addicted2Success(@addicted2success)
My article "3 Keys to balancing work and parenting while working from home"
It is painful to choose between making a living and giving love... But every day I meet a lot of parents who are compelled to constantly make that choice while working from home.
And it makes them feel unsuccessful and depressed.
It is hard to feel successful when you haven't been able to get your work for the day done.
It is hard to feel successful when you have been distracted through an important meeting.
And for many parents... Feeling exhausted, unsuccessful and incompetent has become part of every day life through the pandemic.
Unfortunately a person who feels incompetent makes a parent who is disconnected.
No one wants to be there... But many people are there now.
This article is a 3 point plan for them to succeed: https://addicted2success.com/success-advice/3-keys-to-balancing-work-and-parenting-while-working-from-home/
The first thing we need to understand about teaching is... That it is not easy.
Your success depends entirely on your student.
When your student does not learn... It feels like a personal failure.
And many parents who are trying to teach their little ones... Are now coming face to face with this failure every day.
Of course it is not pleasant to feel like a failure...... It makes you do one of the following....
1. Give up and stop teaching
2. Get angry and punish /shout
But neither of these approaches are useful.
The only thing that is likely to work here is.... Teaching AGAIN.
We must recognize that when we teach children... Our role ends at teaching.
We cannot make them learn..
We can only teach it again....DIFFERENTLY... And hope that that difference will work.
Transferring the blame onto the child is not right
It results in the child developing low self-esteem and a false belief like "I am dumb" "I can't learn" And so on.
Which is counterproductive.
The obstacle here may be that you know only one way to teach.
The way that works for you.
And the solution here is to explore and discover more ways to teach.
Information makes a long journey from the eyes and ears to the long term memory.
And when that journey is done... The child learns.
I love to explain this journey to parents at my workshops and consultations... Because understanding the journey and the roadblocks in that journey is the only way to discover the right way to teach.
In my opinion... If you understand the problem... You can implement the solution much better.
Make the effort to understand learning if you are struggling with teaching.
PC: Photo by Jessica Lewis on Unsplash
So happy to see this article in the newspaper (not written by me) saying that -
Awareness is growing - and more and more COVID positive moms are now breastfeeding their newborns.
And thrilled that early in the pandemic... March 2020 to be precise..
I wrote this article for the Morisons Baby Dreams blog link below... Encouraging all new moms to breastfeed.
When I was doing my deep dive to research the content for that article... I remember reading an article in a renowned medical journal with the title...
"First do no harm"
Yes. That is the first rule of practicing medicine.
Before you attempt to do any good... Ensure that you are doing no harm
Breast milk is like a magic potion for babies....it has so many benefits....and must not be stopped unless it is conclusively proved that it is causing disease.
In case of viral infections .. When the mother breastfeeds.... She passes on the antibodies that she has developed against the virus to fight it.
This protects the baby.
This protective shield must not be taken away.
"The whole is greater than the sum of its parts"
If you are a parent who is loading your child with vitamins
This is something you need to remember.
The key word in your vocabulary when you think of nutrition for your child should be WHOLE
Eat whole food as a family. Especially whole grain.
Because inside the whole grain... The vitamins and minerals come prepackaged in the way that they are absorbed best by the body.
For example -The fiber in the whole grain slows down the passage of food in the gut.
This results in the vitamins having more time to move into the blood
Otherwise they just go in and out
Then the grain germ has lipids that help in the absorption of Vitamins A D E and K
There are many more things that facilitate vitamin and mineral absorption when you eat WHOLE grains and other WHOLE food.
Use vitamins in the form of pills only on prescription.. To overcome certain deficiencies.
At all other times eat whole food to stay healthy.
PC: Image by silviarita from Pixabay
The other day a very worried Dad...told me that their one year old son was eating less and less every day.
They had been advised to let it be and allow the child to eat as much as he wants.
But they were not able to convince themselves to do that.
And there were tears and fights and stress at home because of this.
"Relax" I told them
"A one year old will eat less than an eight month old.
That is perfectly normal.
Babies need to triple their birth weight in the first year. So they eat a lot when they are around 8-10 months old.
But they can't keep eating like that beyond their first birthdays.
Otherwise they will turn into giants. "
He could hardly believe his ears.
Why didn't we know this before?"
Well wrong expectations because of a lack of knowledge of physiology is extremely common.
And it is impossible to implement the answer of "What to do when.... "
If you don't know "What is happening?"
How can a parent follow
"Stop feeding your child. Let them eat whatever amount they want."
Without first explaining WHY.
No parent can stop feeding a child unless they have a good enough reason for it.
PC: Photo by Derek Owens on Unsplash