​What do we want when we discipline children?

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A post shared by Dr Debmita Dutta - Parenting Expert (@debmitadutta)

​What do we want when we discipline children?

We want them to LEARN.

We want them to learn how to function in the world without harming themselves or others.

But are our discipline techniques designed to TEACH?

The answer is NO

Most of the commonly used discipline techniques are designed to CONTROL

But how long can we control our children?

Eventually we need them to develop SELF-CONTROL.

Here is what you need to STOP doing - 

1. Giving silent treatment – 

No. Staying silent is NOT better than shouting.

When you stay silent you cut off connection with your child and leave them alone.

Not only is this EMOTIONAL ABUSE it also does not teach the child anything about what their mistake was and what they should do the next time

2. Giving rewards –

No. Giving rewards is NOT better than punishing.

Giving rewards kills intrinsic motivation.

Your child does not learn to do the right thing. They learn to do whatever is rewarded.

This can be DANGEROUS because they can then be made to do anything for a reward.

3. Giving consequences – 

No. There is NO DIFFERENCE between a punishment and a consequence if you are the one who decides what the consequence will be.

Consequences don’t teach children not to do the wrong things.

They just teach them to HIDE from you when they do the wrong things so that they don't have to face punishments (also called consequences)

So what should you do to discipline your child?

TUNE IN – listen to them and understand why they made the mistake.

TALK – explain why what they did was wrong.

THINK – discuss how to fix the mistake and what to do next time to avoid it.

Type 3T and start following the 3T formula 

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