"I am fed up of giving her everything she asks for - agreeing to everything she says and not getting anything in return.
She never keeps her end of the bargain.
And we are not asking for too much.
Just that she should perform at school.
But all we are getting - are - poor marks, complains from teachers and to top it of arrogance and back answering from her."
In my practice as parenting consultant - I am always consulting with parents with these complains.
I empathize with the parents.
It is disappointing when there is no ROI ( return on investment)
But are children really not performing because they are arrogant and entitled?
The answer is NO.
Having something and knowing how to use it to make life better are two completely different things.
So they ask you to buy a certain online tutoring course - but when it arrives they don't know how to study it.
They abandon that and ask you to put them in certain tuition class.
When they join it, they are far behind everyone else, can't understand a thing and soon give up.
A lot of money has now left your pockets and you start getting fed up of getting zero return on your investment.
Things get bitter.
You feel disappointed and feel like giving up.
But....DON'T GIVE UP!!
Stop assuming that this is arrogance and a lax attitude.
Look how desperately your child is trying to find a way to succeed.
Empathize with how difficult it must be for them to never find success in spite of doing what seems to be working for everyone else.
Yes - your child is struggling.
Your child is not giving you a hard time - they are having a hard time.
Your expectation that your child perform - without empathy for why your child is not performing is destroying your relationship with your child.
And leaving your child completely alone at an extremely difficult time.
Don't withdraw and give up on your child - when what you really need to do is jump in and do what you can to save the day.
If you don't know what to do - reach out for help.