What are we really saying when we say - They don't listen

Dr Debmita Dutta MBBS, MD

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“They just don’t listen.” 
What are we really saying when we say that?

Leaders I work with - say that about their teams.
Parents I work with - say that about their children.
But what are they really saying?

They are saying that they are poor communicators.

The onus of understanding lies with the person speaking. Not with the person listening.

People don’t LISTEN when they don’t UNDERSTAND.

When I tell leaders this, they are indignant.
They say – “But my instruction is absolutely CLEAR.”

Yes – being clear is important.
But it tells the listener WHAT TO DO.
It does not tell the listener WHY
And no thinking human being will do something if they don’t understand the WHY - unless there are CONSEQUENCES.

When communication only focuses on telling people what to do - we are compelled to bring inconsequences in the form of REWARDS and PUNISHMENTS to get things done.

Rewards and punishments make people feel CONTROLLED
And that kills motivation.

QUIET QUITTING is the new term we are using to describe this.

Gen Z are digital natives. They have their own way of getting things done. We don’t need to tell them WHAT TO DO. 
We only need to help them understand WHY.

The problem is – that as leaders – we often don’t know WHY either.
That is why we are so focused on the WHAT.

Through my work I help leaders and parents articulate their WHY.

When we find ourselves frustrated because “they don’t listen to me” – It is time to explore our own WHY.
Do you agree?

#motivation #quietquitting #genZ