"You need to trust him."
I tell the parent of a teen at a consultation. "How can I trust him? He keeps lying?" The mom replies. I find that many parents think like this. And sadly it leads to more lying - More instances of the child doing things that the parents don't want the child to do fights - tears - anxiety - frustration and exasperation. In my opinion this is the wrong way to aproach a relationship with anyone - especially a child - who is still learning how to balance desires with duties and rights with responsibilities. Trust is the foundation of any relationship You cannot begin a relationship if you don't trust the other person. Trust is the main investment you make in your relationship with your child. You cannot expect your child to earn your trust by performing to satisfy your expectations. Always trust your child's desire and intention to do the right thing. That is what motivates children to live up to your expectations in spite of the challenges posed by their growing brains and bodies. Begin with trust and watch your child transform. I have many many many stories to relate where I have put my trust in a teenager whom no one else trusted and she/he has transformed into someone worth trusting. These were not my children and yet my trust - conveyed from a distance worked like magic. Imagine what you could do with your child. "Should I leave my job?"
This is a question I am asked by many of the moms I consult with When they find that things are going wrong with their child. And they see their children throwing tantrums and crying when they are away at work. Yesterday I was asked this question by another mom whom I was consulting with. My answer always is another question "Do you want to work?" And like every other mother I have ever consulted with she said "I am not sure. If my working is going to emotionally scar my child, I don't want to work. But otherwise I do." My take "You need to decide if you want to work. And you need to clearly understand your reasons for working. If you really want to work - don't quit. Because making sacrifices always builds resentment. And that will impact your relationship with your child." "But I can't bear to see him cry." She said "Let's work to put together a strategy to ensure that he doesn't cry." I say. Is it possible? Oh yes it is. I have been working with moms who want to go back to work for 10 years now. And it has worked every time. The key is empathy, compassion, honesty and vulnerability. Everyone cooperates when the above 4 things are applied to an interaction. Even a less than one-year-old child. Success stories abound. Make sure you are one of them. When I presented my work on overcoming maternal guilt and achieving a work life balance at World Congress on Women in 2019. I was applauded profusely for it by the Kiran Bedi Ma'am ( then Lt Governor of Puducherry). She spoke to me at length about the importance of my work and encouraged me to forge ahead on my chosen path. Thank you Ma'am. Happy Teachers Day to all the wonderful teachers I know.
Thank you for all your insights and inputs. Thank you for your love and encouragement. Your contribution to my work is invaluable. Thank you for helping me grow and evolve every day. 🙏🙏🙏 Listening and observing are such an important part of learning.
We know that children need to listen and observe in school in order to learn. And that is why we get extremely anxious when they don't listen in class. Through the pandemic parents have been complaining and complaining about children... Who don't sit through their online classes.... Who run around.... Who refuse to focus.... Who just don't listen.... And so on. In my workshop at the #ISEY conference organised by KLAY Prep Schools and Day Care - I spoke about what we can do to help early learners focus and listen. The appreciation that has been flowing in for the workshop has been absolutely overwhelming. I am so grateful for these opportunities to share what I know with parents. And I am so thrilled that they find everything I share valuable and easy to apply. Every parent I believe is always trying their best. But what they are doing can be tweaked to make things easier and more impactful if they are introduced to what the latest research is discovering about children and their brains. That is what my #parentingworkshops are about. I love what I do. |
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