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 Which is the best parenting style – I am asked at a parenting workshop.
So a lot of parents get confused with the terminology surrounding parenting – here it is in very simple words – Authoritarian – is when you load the child with responsibilities and give her/him no rights. Permissive – is when you free the child of all responsibilities and give her/him too many rights and privileges. Authoritative – is when the child has a bunch of responsibilities but also has a lot of rights. What kind of parent are you? Authoritative is of course the best kind of parenting. Read this article to know how you can evolve into an authoritative parent. https://buff.ly/2Q8vYgZ  The other day a very perplexed parent asked me -
“How involved should I be in my child’s studies? There appear to be no straightforward answers. Too involved is bad and so is uninvolved. How do I know where the line lies?” Here is what I suggest – 1. Know what your child is studying so that you can have conversations about it. 2. Be involved enough to ask – “Do you need help with this?” every day. 3. Be engaged enough to chalk out a plan for learning and revising. 4. Be available to change the plan if required. Children typically overestimate their ability and underestimate the syllabus. Be involved to the extent that you can help your child overcome that hurdle.
 Of late – the teenagers coming to me for consultations have been bringing their diaries along for me to read.
They feel I will understand them better if I read what they have written – and that is absolutely true. It helps me tremendously. Most of them write to vent. Which is excellent. What I ask them to add to this – is a line or two about what they are grateful for. So – I say – start with one line about what you are grateful for. And end with another line about what you are grateful for. The brain always remembers the bad things that happen to us more – because this helps in survival. That is how we learn – not to touch hot things on the gas and not to turn corners too fast when we drive. When we write a gratitude journal – we bring the good things that have sunk to the bottom of our memory pile – right up to the top – and that makes us happy instead of afraid. Teenage is a tough time and I love I that teens nowadays know when they need help and ask their parents to take them to someone who can help. I also admire the parents who without hesitation bring their children in for consultations. Mental health is becoming a priority. I love that. #parenting #WhatParentsAsk #DrDebmitaDutta Are you complaining about your child’s laziness to everyone?
“He has so much potential – He is just lazy – He just doesn’t study.” Do you find yourself saying such things? Be warned. No child is ever lazy. The laziness is a sign of something much more serious. Watch this video to know more. https://buff.ly/2LDjPuX  The world changes….people do - perceptions do.
Children brought up to think that there is absolutely no difference between boys and girls think so differently – it is hilarious. So – some days ago my daughter was studying about the purdah system. She read that when women wanted to speak to men they stood behind a wall with holes. From there they could see the men while they spoke to them – without being seen themselves. How fair is that? She asked indignantly. If the men can’t see the women – the women should not be allowed to see the men either! We are all human beings – and everyone is equal and has equal rights – we have always taught her – with hilarious results.  The other day at a workshop a parent asked me – “How can I convince my child to practice?”
So of course – practice makes perfect – but practice is not easy. If you want your child to start practicing – 1. Stop entertaining her/him. When children are bored they will start practicing something or the other and get used to practicing. 2. Stay involved. You cannot say “Practice” and walk away. You need to stick around until your child has gained some degree of mastery in whatever she/he is practicing. 3. Point out what needs to be improved so that your child can work on specific areas instead of practicing everything and getting tired without getting results. 4. Inspire your child to practice by constantly practicing something you are not good at until you improve.  If only problems could be solved by finding someone who can be blamed.
But, no. Blaming someone for a problem never helps. In fact it shifts our focus away from the problem. It consumes our energy and leaves us with no stamina to implement a solution. When our children are in school – we often make the mistake of wasting a lot of our time and energy in playing the blame game with the teacher. We want to believe that our child is perfect and that it is the teacher who is causing all the problems. If you are playing the blame game stop now. The teacher will not be around for you to blame next year. But if you don’t solve the problem that your child is facing in school – that problem will haunt you forever.  Teach your child to read as soon as possible.
No - it doesn't amount to pressurizing Children want to read. The sole purpose of early childhood is to discover the world and make sense of it. And nothing can facilitate that better than reading. Knowledge is power. When your child can read - and feels powerful - she / he will calm down because she/he feels like an equal. All your interactions with your child - in every sphere of life will improve once your child learns to read. Teaching reading is very easy if you know how. Here are some tips -  A few days ago my household help pointed out that we had a lot of almond trees in our complex. To say that I was surprised would be an understatement. I just didn't believe her. So the next time we were walking downstairs together - she showed me the trees. She then lamented that all the almonds were being eaten by boys who came to do odd jobs in the complex and not by the flat occupants themselves. Here is what I had to say - They have the knowledge - that they are standing next to an almond tree They are alert enough to notice that the tree has fruits that are now ripe and ready to be plucked and eaten They are hardworking enough to climb the tree and pluck the fruit They are courageous enough to eat something that may or may not be an almond And so they deserve the fruit. The fruits of the world are all there for everyone to have. But only the knowledgeable, the alert, the hardworking and the courageous will gain from them. We must remember to instill these qualities in our children if we want to nurture winners. |
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