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Yesterday – at an online consultation – a very worried mother asked me –
“How can I build my child’s self-esteem?” “He is such a talented child – but he does not believe in his abilities.” In my practice as parenting consultant – I constantly meet children with low self-esteem – and I put this down to these children not being taught how to be KIND The easiest way to feel good about yourself – the easiest way to feel that you are better than someone else is To be KIND To HELP To be INCLUSIVE As soon as you look at someone with kindness – with empathy – with the desire to help and to include – you start feeling GOOD – in fact - you start feeling GREAT. We have stopped teaching our children these qualities – and that is why – despite being storehouses of information – they do not have the self-esteem to plunge into action. In this article I write about how inclusion benefits us. #diversity #inclusion #kindness #self-esteem https://buff.ly/2pj8BE9 #parenting #DrDebmitaDutta #WhatParentsAsk  At a recent workshop – a parent asked me –
“Why is my child so scared? Why doesn’t she just plunge into new challenges? Why does she try to avoid all difficult situations?” My answer – “What do you do when you face something that you find challenging? No – don’t tell me about your rise in your organisation and all that you have achieved there. Think back to the trips you plan during Diwali to avoid meeting your neighbours at the Diwali get-togethers. Aren’t you escaping the challenge of forging new relationships? Do you think your child doesn’t know or notice? She does. Be a good role model. Show your child that we need to stay and fight problems and overcome challenges. We cannot and should not run away. #parenting #DrDebmitaDutta #WhatParentsAsk When I conduct prenatal classes for expecting parents – I speak for a whole 60 minutes on breastfeeding.
Where does breastmilk come from? How can you produce more breastmilk? What will you experience as you breastfeed? And how can you make that experience memorable for yourself and a physically and emotionally nourishing experience for your baby? These are all things I like to explain in great detail. Because breast milk is a miraculous substance!! You can never find anything as good as breastmilk for your baby. #parenting #DrDebmitaDutta #WhatParentsAsk  My family is a curious mix of Bengalis and Punjabis.
The Punjabis are arguably more Bengali than the Bengalis and the reverse applies to (some of) the Bengalis. With an equal mix of both these genes fighting for supremacy in my system, I sometimes find that I am neither. Fortunately however, I am married to a Fauji Bengali who is the only thoroughbred Bengali in the family who is worse off than me. He is as un-Bengali as a Bengali can get and is my solace in moments of misgiving. My Punjabi mother is unidentifiably Bengali. This may be justifiable and suitably forgivable considering that she has been married to a Bengali for many years now. But my emphatically Punjabi Mami and the rest of her Punjabi family are not so easy to brush off. Having lived in Kolkata for many years now, they outdo us half bred Bengalis at our language, literature, songs and dance. And that is certainly not easy to excuse. These glaring misdeeds by certain sections of my family fortunately, are easily forgiven and forgotten when we meet at the dining table, thanks to the foodie genes that dominate both sides. Salivating tongues merge the Punjabis indistinguishably with the Bengalis. The love of Kathi rolls, Tele bhaja (pakodas), Shingara (samosa), Mishti (mithai), Aloo parathas and Maanh ki Daal and their consequences on our waistlines, unite us seamlessly and irrevocably. Once a year however this unison is threatened by a festival. The Autumn Navratri is the acid test of loyalties. The Punjabis fast as the Bengalis feast. As mantras hammer themselves out in the minds of the devout fasters, the feasters can only hear the loud growling of their stomachs. Luckily, harmony is just seven days away. Ashtami restores harmony with dollops of ghee and oil. The gorging feasters unashamedly devour the kale chane, puri and halwa offered by the fasters. The burps of ecstatic stomachs merge with the audible sighs of relief as the fasters join the feasters in the gastronomical orgy of the devout - called Durga Puja(the time of the year I await the most). “Why is my child not speaking yet?”
A lot of panic stricken parents ask this question So when should you panic? And what can you do about something as common as ear wax when you fear that it may be causing speech delay? Read this article to find out. https://buff.ly/2mgGgxq #parenting #DrDebmitaDutta #WhatParentsAsk  “What is this balanced diet and why do we really need to worry about balancing out everything we eat?”
An exasperated parent asked me the other day. So a lot of parents are confused about why they should feed their children a balanced diet because they think of the diet in terms of the pyramid. How can the body possibly know or care about this pyramid they ask. It is easier if you understand the balanced diet in terms of the cells in our body. Each cell is made up of proteins and fats. So every meal must have proteins and fats – especially in a growing child who is growing millions of cells every day. The cells work using carbohydrates as fuel. And since children are constantly on the move they need carbohydrates. None of the above can be put to any use without vitamins and minerals – so every meal must have vitamins and minerals as well. Now how do you get your child to eat all this in the middle of everything else you need to do? I have enumerated some tips in this article. https://buff.ly/334g5tD #parenting #WhatParentsAsk #DrDebmitaDutta  Which is the best parenting style – I am asked at a parenting workshop.
So a lot of parents get confused with the terminology surrounding parenting – here it is in very simple words – Authoritarian – is when you load the child with responsibilities and give her/him no rights. Permissive – is when you free the child of all responsibilities and give her/him too many rights and privileges. Authoritative – is when the child has a bunch of responsibilities but also has a lot of rights. What kind of parent are you? Authoritative is of course the best kind of parenting. Read this article to know how you can evolve into an authoritative parent. https://buff.ly/2Q8vYgZ  The other day a very perplexed parent asked me -
“How involved should I be in my child’s studies? There appear to be no straightforward answers. Too involved is bad and so is uninvolved. How do I know where the line lies?” Here is what I suggest – 1. Know what your child is studying so that you can have conversations about it. 2. Be involved enough to ask – “Do you need help with this?” every day. 3. Be engaged enough to chalk out a plan for learning and revising. 4. Be available to change the plan if required. Children typically overestimate their ability and underestimate the syllabus. Be involved to the extent that you can help your child overcome that hurdle.
 Of late – the teenagers coming to me for consultations have been bringing their diaries along for me to read.
They feel I will understand them better if I read what they have written – and that is absolutely true. It helps me tremendously. Most of them write to vent. Which is excellent. What I ask them to add to this – is a line or two about what they are grateful for. So – I say – start with one line about what you are grateful for. And end with another line about what you are grateful for. The brain always remembers the bad things that happen to us more – because this helps in survival. That is how we learn – not to touch hot things on the gas and not to turn corners too fast when we drive. When we write a gratitude journal – we bring the good things that have sunk to the bottom of our memory pile – right up to the top – and that makes us happy instead of afraid. Teenage is a tough time and I love I that teens nowadays know when they need help and ask their parents to take them to someone who can help. I also admire the parents who without hesitation bring their children in for consultations. Mental health is becoming a priority. I love that. #parenting #WhatParentsAsk #DrDebmitaDutta |
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