"Red is kinda sus" Says my 14 year old
"What???" I ask.
She looks at me as if I have just landed from Mars.
"Oho!!!" She exclaims.
And then takes pity on me and starts explaining.
"When we play 'Among Us' (for the uninitiated - this is an online game) the red guy is usually the imposter and needs to be caught.
So when you think that something is suspicious.... You say 'red is kinda sus'"
Wow!! This is a different language!!
Are you rolling your eyes and thinking...
"How can she allow her child to play online games?"
Let me tell you this.....
This is the new world.
The post Corona virtually connected world.
It is almost like a different planet.
Our children are growing up on this planet.
If you step onto this planet you will find that....
You just CANNOT understand what they are saying OR writing.
This is the language of the virtual world.
And those who don't play online games can't understand it.
Can children afford to not understand what their friends are saying?
And so... You can be sure that every child.. Is DEFINITELY playing online games
Are they doing it with your permission or without?
Are you trying to learn the games Or are you pretending that they don't exist?
The virtual world is now REAL!
We need to accept it.
We need to learn more about it.
Otherwise we will soon have no way to communicate with our children.
Parenting is changing.
Are you still operating by the old rules?
When you speak to people who are concerned about the same things... And have hopes and dreams that are similar to yours... You can speak to them for hours.
And that is exactly what happens when I start talking to the Morisons Baby Dreams (@morisonsbabydreams)
Our conversations about doing something to help pregnant couples and new parents stretch into hours 🙂
During one such conversation... We were talking about how, several times when babies are crying, they are actually making a bid for our attention.
So for example, parents ask me.. "My one year old is behaving very strangely nowadays and throwing a lot of tantrums. Can it be because she is teething?"
It is always easier to link obvious things. And that is why teething and bad behavior, both of which are very visible, are usually linked.
Teething may be uncomfortable, but what really causes the crying and tantrums is the need to be "included" and "engaged with"
Our conversation that day ended with us excitedly planning a video series with some ideas on how to engage with babies in the first year.
I am sharing the video for parents of 11/12 month olds.
This is the last video in the series.
Do watch the rest of the series on the social media platforms of Morisons Baby Dreams(@morisonsbabydreams). And share it with new parents you may know.
Here is the link: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CGKaqcOhBN6/
A new acquaintance sends her son to drop off some things at my house.
I open the door to see a really tall boy standing there. He looks well built and has a really nice deep voice
I assume he is in the 10th grade.
I speak to him accordingly.
And he leaves.
Some hours later my daughter tells me that she knows that boy.
She laughs.... 10th grade?.... Hahahaha
He is only 12 years old!!
He is in the sixth grade!
Height can really alter your perception of a child so much!!
It can make you treat a small child like a full grown adult.
I see many parents do this.
As their teens grow taller... They expect adult behavior from them.
But teens must not be treated like that.
They must be treated like children.
Because with their brains undergoing renovation and reconstruction during adolescence.... they are likely to sometimes behave like toddlers.
They need the respect you would give an adult... Along with the understanding you would reserve for a toddler.
Learning about the changes happening in the brains of teens is key to this understanding.
And I am thrilled that I am able to facilitate this understanding through my workshops
Building empathy and compassion all around is what motivates me every day
For the past 8 years I have been working on almost every weekend.
And I have loved it.
Many of the events I speak at, are on weekends....
I usually like to schedule my video shoots on weekends....
I prefer to write my articles on weekends....
Many of my patients find it easier to consult on weekends....
But in spite of all this.....weekends have always felt like weekends for various reasons.
I am going to a different place.... At a different time from the usual weekdays..... I am meeting different people.... And there is some sort of a meet up planned with friends and family before and after work.
The constant ' shelter in place ' due to the pandemic however has over several months...
Blurred the distinction between days.
Everything is part of an unending continuum
If I feel this in spite of having a hectic work schedule which involves dressing differently for workshops.. And consultations... And stepping out for shoots.....
I can well imagine what it is like for children.
They are in leisure wear all the time... They have no where to go.... And there are very few exciting things to look forward to.
No wonder then that they are cranky.
And cranky children are tough for WFH parents to handle.
In my book '15 tips for WFH parents' I offer suggestions on making things easier.
This is an EBook published by Juggernaut Books and available free on their app in the personal development section.
I am happy to share the link on DM 🙂
"She has a 30 minute class once a week...but she is not ready to sit and listen even for that much time! "
Many many parents of younger children have complains like that nowadays.
There are 2 things parents are complaining about here.
SIT and LISTEN
They want both...
But they can't see both.
They can't see or gauge how much their child is listening..... And so they complain and complain about their child is not sitting.
But it is the listening that is more important.
So focus on that.
Remember... Your child will listen when they think it is important.
And they will know that it is important when you listen with interest.
1. Talk about what is going to be taught with excitement
2. Talk about how you are excitedly looking forward to the class.
3. Listen with enthusiasm
4. Repeat what the teacher says out aloud
Even if your child is at the far end of the room..,. Standing on their head..... You can be sure they would have LISTENED.
Do you think you can ignore the 'not sitting' ?
Some years ago – I was describing how I conduct #prenatalclasses where I help expecting couples understand birthing, breastfeeding and newborn care to a new acquaintance.
The lady I was describing my work too – immediately supported my work and started talking about how this was a ‘women’s issue’ and how women were loaded with these expectations and responsibilities. And how through my work I was serving women.
But I disagreed.
No. Parenting is not something that concerns women alone.
With the ‘provider and protector’ role becoming redundant – men are eagerly stepping into the role of ‘Nurturers’.
I love this endeavor that they are making to reinvent their roles in the family.
But this is not easy.
Of course, every Dad wants the best for his baby and knows that his baby must receive the benefits of breastfeeding.
But when challenges crop in breastfeeding – what can he really do?
In the past men probably felt helpless and receded into their shells.
But no more.
The new age Dads – reach out to know exactly what they can do to contribute, and it is my
pleasure and privilege to help them through my classes.
In my classes – I teach the empathetic application of scientific knowledge. And I have seen that
Dads embrace solutions with enthusiasm.
Find some of the things Dads can do to support breastfeeding in this article that I have written for Morisons Baby Dreams
I am thrilled when I can support brands that genuinely care with my knowledge and experience and I am grateful for these opportunities.
What are you doing on a site that has so many junk food pictures on it?"
As a parent who preaches healthy eating you are never safe from reproach by your child.
But thankfully I had a legitimate explanation for my aberrant behavior.
"No food is JUNK actually" I reply.
We must just stop using JUNK INGREDIENTS.
And I am on this website to see how I can use healthy ingredients and turn junk food into
Vinod and me are joining forces to conduct the workshop
"DIY - How to increase the health quotient of your bakes"
And I am going to talk about how to turn so called junk food into healthy food.
This will be part of #OMBCDiscover2020
You can still register if you haven't.
There are some amazing sessions by some stellar bakers that I am looking forward to as well.
Register here https://www.instamojo.com/.../l63588a8af1954168b46e217c2
Unlike adults.... Teenagers are well aware of their need to balance work with play.
This is schedule my daughter's friend has shared with her.
She shares a schedule like this every day so that they can sync their schedules and find some time to get on a call or play an online game.
They haven't met for the past 8 months.
So when we say teenagers don't care...or are disorganised or lazy ..... We are very unfair to them.
They are none of these.
The problem is that many teenagers have no results to show for the hours that they study.
We need to help them make a plan for the time that they have scheduled for study.
In this case.... This teen has put aside 3 hours.
On a working day that is phenomenal!!
A little knowledge about the science of how to put information into the brain... And how to take it out when required.... Can ensure a fantastic score here.
If you are the parent of a teen.. Help your teen to study.
Just asking them to study 'more' is not going to work.
Show them how to study effectively.
Every time I do it for the teenagers I consult with.... I am amazed at the results.
"Try to smile at your child whenever you catch their eye"
I tell a father who is consulting with me because his son is always grumpy and irritated.
"But that's not me!!" He protests.
"I am not such a smiley person."
Can you change that? I ask
No. ... No... He says.
If you can't change yourself... How can you hope to change your son? I ask.
Change begins with you.
If you want a happy smiling grateful child around you.
You cannot be a complaining grumpy parent :)
"No one talks to me"
"People literally look through me"
"They have created a WhatsApp group without me."
A 40-year-old mother of two tells me during a consultation
What would you call this?
In my opinion - this is BULLYING
Yes. Bullying happens at all ages and all stages of life.
It happens at the workplace - in marriages - in social circles - and in the parent-child relationship.
In every situation that involves another person - there is the possibility of being bullied.
It is important that we fortify our children against bullying as early as possible by doing the following -
1. Stop saying "why can't you be like the others?"
2. Stop withholding love when you are unhappy with their performance
3. Stop filling children with the fear of failure
Those who are sure of being LOVED - in spite of being different - in spite of not performing - in spite of failing - can never be bullied.
It is #antibullyingweek - let's root out bullying by fortifying our children with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
It is their job to try.
It is our job to love them as they try